Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just high enough for therapy.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
