Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
