we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
