I smell stomach acid.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
