Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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