i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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