Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
