Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
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