Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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