I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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