my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
