Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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