There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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