I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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