Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
