then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
