A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
