come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
