it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
