i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
