if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
And then he peed in my hair
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