You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
