I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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