I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
