Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
