You just made me feel so damn special
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
