highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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