If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
