my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
