I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
