frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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