I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
