Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
