I wish I could teleport
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
