Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
