Buhtt sex?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
