If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
