I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is it because I queefed?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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