i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
