i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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