some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
