please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
