im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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