My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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