You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
