is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
