:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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