we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
