nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I smell stomach acid.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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