just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
