i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
