My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
